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SethM

Page history last edited by Seth M 5 years, 5 months ago

     “Tom, hurry up Jeff is here!” Stephanie shouted from the kitchen.

     “I know my brother can wait” Tom reminded Stephanie.

     “Don't forget the cooler again” Stephanie Replied annoyingly.

     Jeff came into the house without knocking and said with a some worry “Anything I can bring out to the truck”

     Stephanie came from the living the basement with a load of laundry “You can grab the cooler, it will be hot in puerto rico” she said

     Jeff picked it up and awkwardly carried it out from the door and into the back of the pick up. When he reentered the house Tom was coming to the staircase which was straight across from the TV and behind the couch. Tom Asked Jeff if he was ready Jeff replied with an exciting “yes!”

They walked as fast as he could without losing control of his rolling suitcase. Tom set his suitcase in the back of the pick up and they rolled the tarp on it along with the cooler and Jeff’s suitcase. They both hoped in the running truck and took off to California where there was a cruise ship waiting for them.

     The second night there was a bad storm. Tom and Jeff when up to the deck to see how bad the storm really was. They saw a wave come at them so the went to the edge of the ship to see what it looked like hitting the ship. When they saw it hit the ship started shaking and they flew off the ship. They luckily landed on a safe boat tom hit then Jeff hit it the boat then it fell into the water with a splash!

 

To Be Countinued

Comments (19)

Chase S said

at 1:08 pm on Dec 18, 2014

I liked on how you used commas, punctuation, and how you expressed it.

Weller C said

at 1:21 pm on Dec 18, 2014

Interesting twist in events, I would like to read the rest of this sometime.

Moises C. said

at 1:24 pm on Dec 18, 2014

you should really add more because this is interesting it hooks you so you would want to read more.

Taylor N said

at 1:25 pm on Dec 18, 2014

You really pulled me in to read more.

Chloe Gr said

at 1:25 pm on Dec 18, 2014

I like how you explained how excited they were.

Hannah V said

at 1:27 pm on Dec 18, 2014

i like how you say, "to be continued"

Morganne M said

at 1:32 pm on Dec 18, 2014

I like the plot twist.

Chloe Ga said

at 1:32 pm on Dec 18, 2014

I liked how you started it. Good way to get us hooked

Brinna E. said

at 1:32 pm on Dec 18, 2014

Good job on your dialogue.

Gina G said

at 1:44 pm on Dec 18, 2014

I like how you ended it with "fell into the water with a splash!" then said to be continued.

Ezra S said

at 1:46 pm on Dec 18, 2014

I think you should continue this sometime. It's very interesting.

Ian M. said

at 1:55 pm on Dec 18, 2014

Nice ending I like the 'To Be Countinued' part of it. Good Job.

Rebecca F. said

at 1:58 pm on Dec 18, 2014

Interesting twist on the story! Good job explaining.

Sam W said

at 7:39 pm on Dec 18, 2014

I like how you left it a type of cliff hanger good job

Levi L. said

at 9:28 am on Dec 19, 2014

I like how you expressed them.

Dylan F said

at 1:43 pm on Dec 19, 2014

Nice job expressing them

Cassi M said

at 1:43 pm on Dec 19, 2014

What is going to happen in the to be countinued part?

Zander B said

at 1:49 pm on Dec 19, 2014

OH NO! I liked it started like a normal book, then a big wave swept them into the sea! Will this book be a survivalist book?

Brennan I said

at 2:01 pm on Dec 19, 2014

I like how you put Jeff into everything, and then to be continued.

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