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ReznerB

Page history last edited by Rezner B. 6 years ago

Gentle Breezes

 

The sun burns my eyes

As I take a step out my door.

The birds chirp merrily

And the dew on the grass glistens.

The smell of petrichor wafts into my nose

And the cool morning breeze stings slightly

The trees sway all around me

As I listen to the familiar clop

Of my sandals on the pavement.

My fatigue drags me down

As I listen to the distant sound of dogs barking

The minty taste of my toothpaste wakes me slightly.

I see the bright colors of the playground equipment

As I pass the park

And smell the pleasant scent of my detergent

And perfume mixed.

I feel frustrated with the lack of a punctual bus

As I come to a stop in front of a large shed.

Soon a large yellow bus rounds the corner

And I relax as I step onto the bus steps.

 

Comments (24)

Ashton J said

at 8:42 am on May 8, 2014

Great job! I really got a good picture with a "gentle breeze."

Lukas O. said

at 8:43 am on May 8, 2014

You described your surroundings very well

Kaitlyn R said

at 8:46 am on May 8, 2014

You have lots of great details in describing things aroujnd you. Good job!

Jordan E. said

at 8:46 am on May 8, 2014

You did a good job with "feeling" senses like smell

Kennedy W. said

at 8:46 am on May 8, 2014

I really liked all your description, got a good picture in my head.

Payton S. said

at 8:46 am on May 8, 2014

You had really good descriptive words in this poem, good job!

Aliyah D said

at 8:47 am on May 8, 2014

I could really picture all the things around you. Good details!

Clay J said

at 8:47 am on May 8, 2014

I the detail you put into your sents.

Callie H. said

at 8:47 am on May 8, 2014

I liked how you described everything so well!

Faith J. said

at 8:48 am on May 8, 2014

I really liked the details that you put in to your poem!

Chloe K. said

at 8:50 am on May 8, 2014

I could see everything that was around you. Great details.

Kaidenl said

at 8:51 am on May 8, 2014

You had good details. I liked how well you described everything.

Macy N. said

at 8:51 am on May 8, 2014

You had good word choice. You also had very good detail. Nice job!

John M. said

at 8:52 am on May 8, 2014

I like the way you described the poem!

Zoey F. said

at 8:53 am on May 8, 2014

I almost felt like i was there getting on the bus for school. I liked how you used descriptive words for your senses.

Lily P said

at 8:56 am on May 8, 2014

Nice details! You used all of the senses to entice your readers!

Bailey R. said

at 9:00 am on May 8, 2014

You did a good job of making so the reader could visualize all the things you were seeing. Good job!

Marckus T said

at 9:01 am on May 8, 2014

I really got a good picture and there were very good describing words.

Allison Bu. said

at 9:02 am on May 8, 2014

Good choice of discripting words and how you decribed the things around you.

Carissa B. said

at 9:09 am on May 8, 2014

I like how you talked about the things that happened to you while you were walking to the bus.

Kenzie W said

at 9:10 am on May 8, 2014

I liked how you were anxious for the bus to get there! good job with all the details!

kayla w said

at 9:11 am on May 8, 2014

Good work on describing things around you.

Casey P said

at 12:43 pm on May 8, 2014

I can really paint a good visual picture from this poem.

Mrs. K. said

at 12:27 pm on May 12, 2014

I like the image I get from " the familiar clop
Of my sandals on the pavement".

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