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Allison Bu

Page history last edited by Allison Bu. 6 years ago



One weekend Lindsey and Rebecca  went to the mall one weekend to get new clothes for their freshman year. They were so excited to be able to go by themselves and that they had earned enough trust to go alone without a naggy mom or a borning dad. Lindsey’s mom Kara, had picked up Rebecca around 10:30 a.m. When they got to the mall Kara told the girls a few rules and responsibilities that she wanted them to know. The girls weren’t paying very close attention to what she was saying. When finally she said don’t go with anyone or talk to strangers, and make sure you have your phones one. As Lindsey got out of the car her mom handed her an extra $100 dollars for cloths or somthing. The girls said thanks and right as they were about out the door Kara said you two stay together no matter what and they were gone.


It was around 11:00 when they got there and they decided to shop for a half an hour then eat. They got through only one store before it was 11:30 a.m and so they knew it was going to be a long day if they took that long at every store. There were 7 different places that they could eat lunch from Subway to Pizza to Chinese. They choose to eat at Subway so they would look like healthy eaters. When they sat down and started eating there was a guy that looked like he was in his mid 20’s that was looking at them. It gave Rebecca the chills but it didn’t bother Lindsey. When they were half way done eating the guy was still looking at them and Rebecca had to go to the bathroom but Lindsey refused to go with her. Lindsey told Rebecca that she had to save their table so no one would take it. Rebecca ended up going by herself.


When Rebecca got threw the long line at the bathroom and back to the table she noticed that Lindsey was gone and at first she thought that she had just gone up to get a refill but when she didn’t come back after like 5 minutes she started to worry. She first tried to call her but her phone had gone straight to her voicemail. She looked around and didn’t see her anywhere when she realized that she didn’t see the man that was looking at them when they were eating either. Thats when Rebecca started to freak out when she started to think to herself that it was just her nerves getting to her from watching too many movies about abductions. So when she got her head together she decided to go walk around the mall and look for her and just hope that Lindsey would call her back.

She went into 3 different stores and asked people that worked there if they had saw Lindsey by showing them a picture of her. Rebecca was starting to become a nervous wreck again when after 5 stores that Lindsey would go in, none of the people or workers remember seeing her. Rebecca didn’t know if she should call Kara or 911 yet. She didn’t know what she should do. She remembered a couple of movies and what they did so she calmed down and went back to the table where they were eating at when she “ went missing”.


Comments (25)

Ashton J said

at 8:51 am on Apr 1, 2014

Great details! It gave me sort of a timeline of your story!

Kaitlyn R said

at 8:55 am on Apr 1, 2014

Good description of the mall, I could see it clearly in my head.

Kennedy W. said

at 8:55 am on Apr 1, 2014

That was really cool, if you add a little more details of what happened and where they went it would be awesome!

Taylor D. said

at 8:56 am on Apr 1, 2014

I love this story, it kind of reminds me of a good movie I saw once.

Faith J. said

at 8:56 am on Apr 1, 2014

I really liked the beginning, but why did you stop? You could be an author someday!

Lily P said

at 8:57 am on Apr 1, 2014

My favorite part about this was that I actually felt like I was shopping, and I could really relate to losing people in a mall...

Payton S. said

at 8:57 am on Apr 1, 2014

At first I thought it was going to be about girls shopping but then you totally changed it to an abduction story! Awesome!

Bailey R. said

at 8:58 am on Apr 1, 2014

I liked the way you described how Rebecca was freaking out. The ending kind of leaves you in suspense, since you don't really know where Lindsey is or if Rebecca will ever find her.

Clay J said

at 8:58 am on Apr 1, 2014

Great, I like how you incorporated thoughts of the character also.

Callie H. said

at 9:01 am on Apr 1, 2014

I really liked how you changed the story from just shopping to a mystery! It was a great story, but now I want to know what happened to her!

Zoey F. said

at 9:02 am on Apr 1, 2014

I liked how the story talked about abductions. I goes to show that you really need to stick by your friends side not matter what. I also liked how the setting was at the mall. I gave off the vibe of two freshman girls going to have fun, but then turned into a disaster.

Aliyah D said

at 9:03 am on Apr 1, 2014

I thought the whole story was going to be about the girls shopping! I like the ending, it leaves me wondering and wanting to read more! Good job!

Carissa B. said

at 9:03 am on Apr 1, 2014

I liked the part where Lindsey was taken from the table she was eating at. I got a little scared. It was great.

ZavierM said

at 9:12 am on Apr 1, 2014

I like how the end threw me off because the girl went missing.

Chloe K. said

at 9:13 am on Apr 1, 2014

Your story was amazing! The details about the mall were awesome, it was like I was there.

Macy N. said

at 9:19 am on Apr 1, 2014

I like how you added some mystery to it! Good job!

Rezner B. said

at 8:28 am on Apr 2, 2014

Good storyline, I wish I could have known what happened.

Marckus T said

at 8:29 am on Apr 2, 2014

Great description.

Lukas O. said

at 8:37 am on Apr 2, 2014

I love how you described the characters

Jordan E. said

at 8:38 am on Apr 2, 2014

Toward the end it gets suspenseful and i like it.

kayla w said

at 9:02 am on Apr 3, 2014

Nice work! I liked how you described them in the story.

Kaidenl said

at 9:10 am on Apr 3, 2014

Good details. I liked how to told us what time things were happening in the story. It made it easier to follow.

Alexis G. said

at 10:59 am on Apr 3, 2014

Nice Job Alli! I think that your story was great, first i thought that it was just girls going to the mall but then the whole story changed and nice job using all of those descriptions.

Kassi S. said

at 12:31 pm on Apr 3, 2014

Nice Job! You did an amazing job writing this, it made me question all the time what was going to be happening next. This was veyr interesting and it made me want to keep reading on.

Macy H said

at 12:34 pm on Apr 3, 2014

Great job! I wanted to keep reading more!

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