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Payton S

Page history last edited by Payton S. 6 years, 3 months ago

Happily Ever After


            My dad has a new job in New York so we have built a house outside in a suburb town. We live on 666 New Loaften street.  The house is great, a fresh start for my family and I. My mom teaches my sister and I at home. Why we are home schooled is because we travel a lot with my dad. It’s difficult to make friends but I have my sister.

            My dad brings home pizza and we all eat. I haven’t really been hungry the past few days, so I didn’t eat a lot like everyone else. After we eat I always wrestle with Morgan and I always win, but tonight she won. “HA! I WON!” Morgan yells, “IN YOUR FACE!” I couldn’t believe it, I always win. I’m not trying to be cocky but I always kick her butt. I felt really weak while wrestling with her and I don’t know why. Maybe our old house gave me powers or something. After the terrible wrestling match I decide to go to bed even though it’s only 8:30. I am really tired and I still feel weak after that wrestling match. I really want to take a shower but once I get upstairs I collapse. I feel a huge burn on the back of my back.

            I scream but no one is coming upstairs to help me. They are all probably outside catching fireflies like what they usually do. I scream louder and louder but the louder I scream the more I feel the burn on my back. Finally I hear someone coming up the stairs. I am too weak to get up and look whose coming up. I hear the footsteps coming up faster and faster but still no one is upstairs. Maybe I am hallucinating. I actually hear my mom calling my name now but right when she asked me what’s wrong I don’t feel the burning anymore. I also don’t hear the footsteps, except for my mom’s. I feel wide-awake and not weak anymore. I started screaming at my mom, “Mom where were you guys? I just wanted to take a shower and I fell and I could feel a burning pain in my back and…” I stopped talking when I realized my mom’s eyes got really big. “What’s wrong?” I ask. She still doesn’t answer me. She starts running down the stairs to my dad. She starts talking to him quietly and she looks like she is terrified.  I can see them right at the bottom of the steps. I try to read her lips. I make out a couple of words she is saying, “it’s going to happen to her what happened to me Jeff! I was lucky enough to get away, it never made me as bad as it is making her!”

            I lied upstairs in the same place for a little bit waiting for someone to come up. I hear the footsteps coming up the stairs again but no one is there. I start shaking really bad and I feel really cold. The footsteps stop and finally my dad runs upstairs, almost tripping. He grabs me and carries me downstairs. It is about 10 o’ clock now and I have no idea what is going on. While my dad brings me downstairs I start crying. I don’t know why I just sob nonstop. I fall to the ground and I get up and start running upstairs. I feel the burning in my back again, I hear the footsteps, and now hear screams. Those screams are coming from me. I throw things everywhere in my room. I break things against the walls. I am now unable to control everything. The burning gets worse and worse, the screams are louder, and the footsteps are faster. My room starts dropping in temperature, getting colder and colder as my back burns more and more. What is this, what is going on?

            The lights go off. My room is freezing and my back feels like it is on fire. The footsteps are gone but I feel as if some one or some thing is in my room. I hear footsteps again. They are getting closer and closer to me I am getting really scared I don’t know what to do I try and scream but I can’t. All of a sudden a really deep voice, so deep I can barely understand it whispers, “goodbye, glad you could have a happily ever after.” What does that mean I wonder? “Who are you and what do you mean?” I ask. No reply. I feel like this may be the end of me.



Comments (18)

Lily P said

at 8:50 am on Apr 1, 2014

I like how you filled this with drama, and left us hanging with suspense at the very end.

ZavierM said

at 9:03 am on Apr 1, 2014

I like the suspense at the end.

Laura W. said

at 8:51 am on Apr 2, 2014

nice. This was pretty good. I liked how you tied your story with your title.

Bailey R. said

at 8:53 am on Apr 2, 2014

This was really suspenseful!! I think you did a very good job!

Macy N. said

at 10:38 am on Apr 2, 2014

I was really suspenseful and I could sense the pain that was happening. Great job!

Kaitlyn R said

at 8:48 am on Apr 3, 2014

I like all the emotion you put into this about how scared she was then left us wanting to know what happens at the end!

Clay J said

at 8:50 am on Apr 3, 2014

I like the emotion you into this story, I also enjoyed the details you included

Chloe K. said

at 8:55 am on Apr 3, 2014

Your story was really suspenseful. I like how you tied the title into the story. Great story!

Faith J. said

at 9:07 am on Apr 3, 2014

I enjoyed how the ending left you to try and figure out what happened. Great job!

Allison Bu. said

at 9:14 am on Apr 3, 2014

I like the ending how it leaves you to figure it out and it flowed together nicely.

Lukas O. said

at 9:17 am on Apr 3, 2014

I liked the suspense in your story. Good Job!

Carissa B. said

at 9:18 am on Apr 3, 2014

I like how the girl had a lot of expressions and you had a great story.

Rezner B. said

at 9:32 am on Apr 3, 2014

You had really good details. I liked how you included her emotions. I also liked how you kept us in suspense.

Kassi S. said

at 12:29 pm on Apr 3, 2014

Good Job! You had amazing voice and the details helped everything fall together! This writing is very good!

Macy H said

at 12:33 pm on Apr 3, 2014

I loved this story! I could really feel the emotions! It made me want to read more!

Hailey S said

at 12:39 pm on Apr 3, 2014

I like how much suspense this had and it made me want to read more in the end!

Megan B said

at 12:40 pm on Apr 3, 2014

I really liked how dramatic this was and kept me guessing! It makes me want to read more, good job!

Callie H. said

at 1:59 pm on Apr 3, 2014

I liked how you made it very suspenseful and then left us hanging wondering what happened at the end!

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