Hi I’m Phil. I have a pretty weird life. This is why. One day I was just casually walking through the woods when all of the sudden a monkey jumped out of the trees and attacked me. I don’t know why he attacked me but he caught me so off guard i fell down a hill. The monkey kept attacking me and I was rolling for a while and hit my head on a tree. When I realized I was at the bottom of the hill rolling circles. Than I stood up and the monkey stopped attacking me. When it stopped I looked over and it was eating my candy bar. Then I picked up the monkey named it Greg and started walking. I had no Idea where I was so I just walked. As I was walking I looked over and saw a bear staring at Greg. I walked over there and gave that bear a talk about how it is not nice to try and eat a guy’s pet monkey. It turned out the bear was still hungry so it tried to eat me. That’s when I got mad and I swallowed the bear whole.
That night I found a cave that must have been the bear’s so I made a big bed for me and a little bed for Greg. I went out to find some fire wood and came back with ten trees that I karate chopped down. I found a twig and did the thing where you spin it on the wood till it catches fire. It didn’t work so I made sparks with two weird looking rocks. When the fire started I used a can that I was wearing on my head to boil water that I found in a river right outside the cave. When I took the water out of the fire Greg drank it all so I had to boil more. Then we went to bed.
When we woke up the sun was rising and I went to find breakfast. I found a bowl of Lucky charms and started eating when all of the sudden a leprechaun flew by and stole them. I chased the leprechaun and found a whole leprechaun town. Then I realized I forgot Greg so I ran ten miles back and found out he was on my back than whole time. We went back to the leprechaun village and became two little leprechauns. Then we went to the end of a rainbow and lived there for a very long time.
As I was living at the end of the rainbow I got bored. That is why I went back to the woods climbed back up the hill and started walking. I don’t why I was walking there before, but I thought I should go back and try to remember. I was just walking and I remembered I went out there to find my pet bear that I accidently ate. I was using his favorite treat a candy bar. That’s when I found my way back home and I realized I was still a leprechaun so nobody recognized me. I used the last of my mystical leprechaun powers to change myself back into a human. I went into my house and bought a new bear.
I climbed on my bear with Greg on my back and wondered where I was going. I just sat there and thought of names for my new bear. I’m considering naming him Filbert. Filbert is kind of weird when you think about it. He only eats chocolate or other kinds of candy. When Filbert got tired he fell over and layed there so we used him as a bed. He was snoring so loud though. When we woke up we were energetic. Greg and I climbed on his back and we sped away. That’s when things got bad. By bad I mean giant man eating alligators. Filbert had to eat all the alligators so they didn’t eat us. There was a nice alligator so I ate him.
When I got done eating my alligator. I went to a small town by a lake. When I got there I invented a machine that makes giant frogs. The frogs were robots so we could climb inside them and sleep there. When we left the town we had about one thousand giant frogs. So we took over China. It was nice in China I created my own language and made everyone there learn it. I lived there till I died and when I died Greg became king. Filbert became his royal guard and that’s when the world ended and everything blew up.