Me and Jimbo
One great afternoon Jimbo and I were crusin the streets of Chicago. We were in our mint condition Ford Escort 1989 with 21” chrome spinners. Since were both cool everyone gives us a weird look, but mostly its because there jealous. We get names like hey nice rust monkey and whoa check out that shaggin wagon with a little rust when we drive past. Sometimes I get mad and roll down the window and scream. They just look at me all weird and walk away. This one time Jimbo and I were kidnapped. They held us in their basement for 3 days. They were a Chinese gang that wanted my car so we always would try to listen in on their conversations above but all we could really make out was how you doin boy! On the 3rd day only one man came down to check on us and give us some snickers’ for lunch. We took him down and smacked him around a little. He was screaming like crazy too! He’s like help me now boys! Then all of them came down there! There like boy we get you now! I was so confused. So I picked up the one guy and gave him a throw right at the others then Jimbo and I took off up the stairs. We got outside and jumped in the old Ford. Starts up on the first try just like always. Old faithful I call her. We figured taking the road would be risky so I jumped off right into a field. We were hitting terraces like a boss smacking our heads on the roof and listening to Brittany Spears. Pretty soon the old Ford starts to smoke so I just floor the thing. If she blows up I guess I should have bought a Subaru but she didn’t! It just caught on fire. I figured that if I keep going that it would die down but it didn’t! The whole cornfield we were in started on fire! We then decided to proceed on foot. We got to the road and got picked up by an old trucker. We then made a quick stop at McDonalds. The proud worker comes over to the register and kindly asks how may I help you. Jinahaldo, the truck driver, says id like 7 in a half McChickens today boy. How much I pay you now? The worker says eight ninty fie. We were so confused the whole time because we could hardly understand them. All I got out of the whole conversation was 7 in a half McChickens. So I figured that he ordered for all of us so we didn’t order anything. We then got back to the semi and he was like so why didn’t you guys get anything. Then were like oh my lord. So we go back in and order our own. The guy was still working so we go up to the register. He says how I help you today boy? I’m like what did you call me? He says boy! Then I start to get a tad mad so I’m like whoa now Charlie. Then he’s like ohhhhhhh sheventeen mick checkens!! We tried to tell him we only had 12 dollars but he couldn’t understand so we ended up with 17 sandwiches so we gave him 12 dollars and took off running. Then we get outside and Jinahaldo left us! So now were stranded in a McDonalds parking lot with that guy coming out after us and some other people that work there. We take off running down the street and find an old Honda civic hatchback with pink Barbie doll seats and half a steering wheel. And did I mention that there was some rust on it? oh yeah. It was a beaut. It only got better when we got inside it. There had been a dead cat in the back for quite sometime now so it smelt so good in there. Oh and it was a 3 speed! It was supposed to be a 5 but someone lodged another dead cat in there so you could only shift up to 3rd gear. But that’s fine because we like to keep our beasts red lined. We take off onto the road and then she revs up and sounds like an old 1943 John Deere 2040! Man was this thing a beast. Top speed of probably 36 ish but we couldn’t tell cause there was blood all over the speedometer. It felt like the back was weighed down a little so we decided to pull over and check the trunk out. I opened it up and boom! 17 or 18 goats without horns come out! It was so cool because I didn’t think they could fit in there but I guess they could. They took off down into the ditch, but then only about 4 mad it cause the rest got caught up on the fence. After we got all the goats out the old Honda did only about 17 then. I guess the goats helped for some reason. But anyway we were crusin down the road and I look out the mirror and see this semi start to come flying up towards us. It didn’t look like he was going to switch lanes but I figured he would so I just keep going, but then he rammed us! We went flying into the ditch and rolled the poor Honda like 17 in a half times. I guess were lucky we took the goats out because they would all be dead. We got up out of the car and look behind us and see the semi flipped over and on fire. We were like wellllllllllllpppp. That will teach him for ramming us. We flip the old Honda up and get in her. Then she starts right up! Man that thing is such a beast. I mean who cares if we don’t have a hood now and 3 of the tires are flat and a donut on the other one.