Ootsven was a caribou herder living in Finland.  Like most Finnish people he ate dirt and snow and stuff just like the caribou he herded.  This was beginning to grate on Ootsven and began to wish he could somehow escape the frozen wasteland.  One day while sitting around a warm block of ice telling stories, with the other 9 people in Finland, a person talked of a warm and mysterious place across the ocean called Canada.  Once the sun came up after several months of darkness Ootsven began his journey to Canada.

            Driving his herd of 14,000 caribou into the ocean he began to ride them across the ocean.  It was a tough journey especially when his week’s supply of snow, ice, and dirt to eat ran out.  Desperate for nourishment he realized he could eat the caribou that died from exhaustion after he rode them for a day.  It was tough but he managed to choke down the strange flavors of the caribou.  13,999 days later his final caribou stepped onto land in Canada.  He was quickly surrounded and taken into custody by the Canadian Immigration Administration.

            After being questioned for a week on his intents and purpose in Canada he was given two choices either he would be returned to Finland or he could become a spy and work for the CIA in Alaska.  Even though he had absolutely no clue what any of the words in the second choice meant he thought it was best to choose that option so the Canadians would not waste 27,998 caribou just to return him to Finland.

            He was glad to learn during his training however that Alaska had caribou just like in Finland.  Initially the CIA wanted to parachute him into position but Ootsven could not get over the loud noise of the plane.  Finally the Canadians relented and allowed him to walk into Alaska.  Pouring sweat in the twenty-degree weather, and wearing a Hawaiian shirt with a Speedo, Ootsven crossed the border into Alaska.

             For several months he monitored and followed the American geological surveyors as they searched for oil and valuable minerals.  One day though he noticed that the caribou which had been following him ever since he had landed in Canada was now part of an extremely large herd.  Overcome with emotion and balling his eyes out at the site of so many caribou he abandoned his equipment and began driving the caribou around to fresh patches of snow.  One day he was going driving them through the area where he had once spied on the American engineers doing geological surveys.

            Chaos ensued as the caribou began to trample and topple the large oil derricks which had been built on the plain.  Pleased to see his caribou frolicking amongst new things Ootsven went to build a fire.  Suddenly the entire plain erupted into flame as the oil soaked field ignited.  Ootsven watched on in complete apathy as his entire herd of caribou burned alive.  Bored by such a spectacle and beginning to get warm he began the walk back into Canada.

            Once there he was hailed as a hero for cleverly destroying the United States oil production without leaving behind any trace.  The CIA awarded him highest medal in Canada, a maple leaf, for making Canada’s once worthless oil shale one of the hottest stocks in the world.  The Canadian dollar took a massive leap in value as people suddenly realized Canada existed and had a monetary system.  After several years America wised up and told Canada that they were now part of America.  Ootsven was hanged for his role in destroying the American oil industry and everybody returned to their normal lives as if nothing had happend.