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Garrett B

Page history last edited by Mrs. K. 8 years, 11 months ago

     One day a sweet and innocent girl was walking along the road to a basketball court. A man very pale asked her if she had ever played basketball in a creepy voice, and as the girl was about to answer he asked her if she wanted candy. The girl at the age of 17 said sure and rode off with the man in his big white van. The girl went missing! Her worried parents called the cops and explained that the girl went on a walk to the park and never returned. The police went to work and found three suspects. A creepy very dark man, a skinny pothead man, and the pale man driving the white van. They all claimed they saw the girl at one point in the day, on the day she went missing. That day her brother went looking for her, and the pale man in the white van stopped and starting chatting with him a creepily. Then suddenly the man asked her brother if he would like some candy. The brother being really sugar crazed and pretty hungry hopped into the white van asking what kind of candy he would get. The parents being very concerned now about the brother also called the police again. The police asked a few more questions and went off to work. Four days later the girl’s uncle goes looking for both her and her brother Bob, they called him Sagget for short. The uncle was crossing the street to the park and was stopped by a pale man driving a white van. The pale man started a very interesting conversation with the uncle, then asked if he would enjoy some fresh candy. The uncle being extremely smart and diabetic said yes and jumped into the van. The mother of the boy and girl sister of the uncle called the police. The mom being very irritated and scared for her life went out looking for her family. She crossed the street towards the park and was stopped by a pale man she felt very attracted too. She started up conversation with the man hopping he would have found her family. The man ended the conversation by asking the mother if she would like to have some candy. The mother being the smartest one of all said yes and hopped in the van. The family was never seen again. Until about a week later when the husband of the mother and the father of the kids, and the brother in law of the uncle came by in his white van and dropped his family off. The family lived happily ever after and the police never found the family, all they did was eat doughnuts and coffee.

    

Comments (29)

spencers said

at 1:23 pm on May 3, 2011

the guy in the white van was the smartest i think

rileys said

at 1:32 pm on May 3, 2011

I like how you described how they all went missing, but i dont quite understand the ending...

jamest said

at 1:42 pm on May 3, 2011

Nice complicated ending.
?

morgant said

at 1:45 pm on May 3, 2011

good description of each character. it was a very funny story, but i agree with riley--i dont get the end. but overall good.

aleesag said

at 1:45 pm on May 3, 2011

Very nice ending never thought it would end that way

cassiew said

at 1:46 pm on May 3, 2011

I'll know to never take candy from creepy pale guys in white vans ever again, interesting story.

joek said

at 1:46 pm on May 3, 2011

Very Funny nice description.

carmenc said

at 1:46 pm on May 3, 2011

interesting, really funny and a little creepy

levif said

at 1:46 pm on May 3, 2011

it was a good story but just kinda ended

benh said

at 1:47 pm on May 3, 2011

I get the ending, it was the dad in the creepy white van the whole time. And I like how all the cops did was eat doughnuts and coffee, very realistic.

shannonj said

at 1:47 pm on May 3, 2011

Great job at describing everything.

Mrs. K. said

at 1:49 pm on May 3, 2011

What a twist at the end. I like how you didn't give it away until the last second.

carrieb said

at 1:51 pm on May 3, 2011

good story. mysteries are always fun to read.

kandisg said

at 1:52 pm on May 3, 2011

It is such a realistic story! :) Good job describing each detail.

leahg said

at 1:53 pm on May 3, 2011

interesting story. it's different but catches people's attention.

maxm said

at 1:54 pm on May 3, 2011

I like how the cops didn't really care that the family went missing, and they didn't try to protect them at all.

lexif said

at 2:13 pm on May 3, 2011

Wow, I never saw that ending coming! Nice job creating suspense.

amberk said

at 2:42 pm on May 3, 2011

Very creative ending! Also, quite an interesting story.

samil said

at 12:53 pm on May 5, 2011

Very interesting how they all got kidnapped by the same guy. nice twist at the end.

isabellas said

at 12:57 pm on May 5, 2011

I didn't even expect the ending - nice story.

kevind said

at 1:00 pm on May 5, 2011

i like the story its kind creepy thow

feliciag said

at 1:08 pm on May 5, 2011

Very interesting story! the ending was very good and i liked how you said the cops just sat there and ate doughnuts and drank coffee.

whitneys said

at 1:10 pm on May 5, 2011

different but interesting story kinda creepy

heathert said

at 1:13 pm on May 5, 2011

This story confuses me, but it did have a good twist at the end.

lizf said

at 1:14 pm on May 5, 2011

Very realistic, good description.

mariahm said

at 1:17 pm on May 5, 2011

good description on the characters

wyattg said

at 1:23 pm on May 5, 2011

Good descriptions on the explain of each parents and also good twist at the end

alexo said

at 1:51 pm on May 5, 2011

I like how you ended the story with the creepy guy being the husband! nice funny ending, bro.

brandens said

at 1:10 pm on May 6, 2011

Great description on what you said.

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