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ShannonJ

Page history last edited by shannonj 9 years, 6 months ago

A Little to Fast

By: Shannon J.

 

A sunny afternoon

bright and colorful

Driving a little fast

Too fast

Red and blue lights

flashing wildly

Feeling scared

My heart racing

Embarrassed

searching for insurance

Down the street

kids are playing

He walks away

the softball players

across the street

running around the diamond

Cop walking back

a pink warning in hand

I drive away

after apologizing

Hoping to talk to him

never again

 

Comments (21)

rileys said

at 1:50 pm on Oct 1, 2010

I like how you described your surroundings.

kandisg said

at 1:51 pm on Oct 1, 2010

I can picture you sitting across from the ball diamond, I know how you feel, it is really embarrassing!

claya said

at 1:51 pm on Oct 1, 2010

It's funny when you say you don't want to talk to him again.

wyattg said

at 1:52 pm on Oct 1, 2010

I can actually see the cop lights in my mind and the cop walking back to his car.

leahg said

at 1:54 pm on Oct 1, 2010

You did a good job using words and places to make it easy to picture.

whitneys said

at 1:54 pm on Oct 1, 2010

Like how you described what was going through your mind.

matti said

at 1:55 pm on Oct 1, 2010

I liked how you included your feelings in the poem.

amberk said

at 1:56 pm on Oct 1, 2010

I like the way you described your feelings and what you were thinking at that time.

isabellas said

at 1:56 pm on Oct 1, 2010

I can really relate to this, since it's happened to me before. You described it very well.

jamest said

at 1:57 pm on Oct 1, 2010

Nice job describing the embarrassment of being pulled over in front of other people.

carrieb said

at 1:57 pm on Oct 1, 2010

I like how you included your thoughts and how you hope to not talk to him again.

lizf said

at 1:58 pm on Oct 1, 2010

i can see the bright and sunny afternoon like i was there.

cassiew said

at 1:59 pm on Oct 1, 2010

I like how you included all your surroundings along with your thoughts and feelings.

jacobt said

at 1:59 pm on Oct 1, 2010

I can see the embarrassment that could come with that.

maxm said

at 2:04 pm on Oct 1, 2010

I can vividly sense the feeling of embarrassment at being pulled over.

lexif said

at 4:33 pm on Oct 1, 2010

I can sense how embarrassed you felt, and don't worry I don't think any of the softball players saw you.

feliciag said

at 1:11 pm on Oct 4, 2010

Sounds like you were driving too fast. Good descriptive words!

samil said

at 1:15 pm on Oct 4, 2010

very great descriptions on your surroundings. maybe you shouldn't be speeding. :)

morgant said

at 1:28 pm on Oct 4, 2010

good description on what was happening around you.

aleesag said

at 2:09 pm on Oct 4, 2010

nice choice of words! good thing you didnt get a ticket!

Mrs. K. said

at 2:15 pm on Oct 4, 2010

I've been there too, Shannon :) I like how you used simple "thought-like" phrasing so I felt like I was there in your head.

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